Life

Spring is almost here. The trees are blossoming, groundhogs are coming out to play, and I've started riding my bike regularly. With the advent of the new season comes some expected changes, like the end of the school year. In my case, it marks my graduation from college, which I jumped into right after high school. Beyond the borders of my little school is the adult world - I don't really think of myself as being an adult yet. Age isn't all that goes into maturity; being an adult involves a rite of passage that varies for different cultures. As I watched episode 10 of Clannad: After Story, I sympathized with Tomoya's difficulty entering the adult realm.

Tomoya didn't have plans for life after his high school graduation; I recall being in a similar boat four years ago. Interestingly Tomoya never considered military service as a viable entry into the work force, something I certainly considered before high school graduation, and reconsidered not too long ago as I wondered what to do after college. Japan's military history grows rather complex after losing World War Two: America demilitarized the country during their occupation, and the Japanese constitution was rewritten to state Japan renounces warfare. Military forces are limited to dealing with internal conflicts and self-defense, but Japan isn't supposed to militarize to the point where it can become an international threat as it was in WW2. 

I'm sure that Tomoya could have joined the military, but the series never presented that as an option. He instead began working at the bakery Nagisa's family owns. Nagisa's father immediately pointed out Tomoya wouldn't make much money at all (at which point I laughed) but his working would free time for Nagisa's mother to make her daughter breakfast before school. Tomoya would open and close shop, and run the store from early morning til late afternoon, seeing Nagisa off to school and welcoming her as she returns. It was a cute, humble existence considering Tomoya and Nagisa are a couple, and Nagisa's family was so very welcoming to her boyfriend. If you're happy where you are, surrounded by people who care about and support you, cheap wages aren't your biggest concern. I envied Tomoya's situation. I don't particularly wish to go back home after I graduate, since I don't expect to find that kind of contentment waiting for me. 

Tomoya began to feel like a burden to his girlfriend, who was having trouble at school. Nagisa had to repeat her last year while Tomoya advanced without her, so perhaps he was uncomfortable with reminding her of that, of watching her struggles assimilating back into school life. Tomoya begins bumping into old friends, some of whom are in college, and others who already have jobs. One friend suggests an apartment he can move into, while another gains him entrance into a job maintaining street lights. Tomoya, tired of being seen as a bum by his peers, ventures out on his own.

Having people call you "lazy" is no fun. I connected with Tomoya partially because I understand not being able to find motivation to go out and make an impression on the world. Tomoya lived at home with a drunken father who abused him, and didn't have any role models to force him to make something of himself. My uncle, who had at least gotten an associate's degree in community college and directed a program that helps underprivileged teenagers get into college, was my biggest influence, and he eventually inspired me to apply to college. Part of being prepared for adult life is having a stable foundation behind you, one that preferably knows what you're about to go through. Neither of my parents had gone to college and established successful careers. I didn't want to continue living like they did: poor and struggling to pay rent, always arguing about child custody, and always calling the police to deal with my troublesome younger siblings. 

Tomoya's first day at work was hard to watch; his fatigue at the end of the day was something I also share after a long day of physical labor. He climbed a pole to check on a street lamp, when a wrench fell out of his pocket. His superior, Yoshino, scolded him, since someone could have been standing underneath and would have gotten injured if the wrench fell on them. My own boss at the museum I work for chews me out for the smallest errors I make since I'm still learning a lot every day, and I also have to consider safety of others when hanging artwork or dealing with power tools. And let's not forget all the damn heavy lifting I have to do! Tomoya's job also involves physical work in that he's climbing poles and has to learn to shift his weight onto the support ropes he uses instead of using his own stamina to keep balanced.

After coming home from work, Tomoya as greeted by his girlfriend Nagisa, who had prepared dinner for them. Unfortunately, he began nodding off at the table while eating. I know how that feels. My friends usually invite me to eat like we do most days, but after eight or nine hours of work I can't even see straight anymore, let alone find motivation to enjoy dinner with friends. Life becomes a cycle of eating, sleeping and working. 

When my school year is up and my projects are done and graduation is over, I have to leave the security dorming at school brings. Will I be ready for an adult life? I'm not really sure. People ask me all the time what I plan to do after school. Surely they don't expect me to know, do they? Did they know what life held for them when they were in my shoes? Do any of us know what opportunities are waiting beyond the choices we haven't made yet? Beyond the experiences we haven't lived through? Maybe we have to create our own opportunities in order to grow up. Tomoya had some help, but his adult life began once he started making decisions for himself. 

Am I ready to do that? Am I ready to grow up?